Today was day two of the two most dreaded days of my entire year. Day one was back in April, today was day two. In April I switched dentists to a really nice and gentle guy who doesn’t like to see my gums bleed all over his office. I had a cavity, but I didn’t mind much because at that point I was still on my parents super good military insurance (ah the perks of staying in school forever, you get forever id card priviledges, or until you turn 23, which didn’t happen until May). Sure it hurt when they put the needle in my gum to numb me up, but it wasn’t too traumatic. The power went out in the middle of my filling, which was really scary because they were halfway through and said they might have to give me a temporary and try again at a later date. Well I lucked out, the power came back on.
So today was day two of the most dreaded days of my year. I become a wreck the day I have to go to the dentist. I don’t know what it is, but I can’t handle it. I didn’t eat lunch today because I was afraid I might give myself a cavity in the last minute. I take good care of my teeth, brushing daily and flossing at least a few times a week, but still, the thought of a cavity, and the copay. Ugh. So all morning as I wrote up my midterm paper and studied for my substance abuse midterm (which is tomorrow, ah!) I had this nagging sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. Like, I absolutely just KNEW that I had a cavity. I could feel it. All of my teeth felt a little “off,” like they knew it too, and were just waiting, sitting quietly and patiently in my mouth waiting for their drilling doom.
So I left half an hour early. I do this when I’m nervous. I got to the dentists at 1:20, my appointment was at 1:45. I had to get some insurance paperwork done since I have a new name, new husband, etc. etc. But that only took about 4 minutes. So I was sitting in the lobby, reading Readers Digest, which I used to love when I was about 12. The little jokes didn’t seem so funny. I felt like laughing might make me more suceptible to cavities in the last moment, so I sat with my mouth shut, just waiting. My stomach was pretty rumbly, from hunger and fear, and it started to make noises. Really obnoxious noises. To the point where the receptionist asked if I was hungry. It was bad.
My teeth were cleaned by a dental hygienist I had not met before. She was very nice to my teeth, I didn’t bleed at all. But it was a long cleaning, almost 25 minutes. And I had X-rays done today. I hate x-rays. They mean that the dentist can catch what my teeth try to hide. The deep dark secret cavities that lurk below. I tried doing progressive relaxation. I tried doing that thing where you are supposed to imagine yourself walking through various rooms of a house that you are familiar with, and mentally become calmer as you walk into each room. It did not work. I ran away from home. So after my x-rays, and during my cleaning I was waiting, waiting, waiting for the doctor to come and examine my teeth and tell me the dreaded news: all of my teeth were rotting from the inside and I would have to have them all drilled, filled and then pulled without novacaine because our insurance doesn’t cover it. I just knew it was coming.
No cavities. It happens every time. I should have known.
I think I should knit now. Four more repeats till Madli’s center panel is done.
Oh, and the photo is totally unrelated. Just thought I would give you something nice to look at.